Heroes on the Net: Top 5 Pieces of Content Created By The Cast of Heroes

As you know, we are a fan-created production based around Heroes.  As our disclaimer at the end of our episodes says, “We are in no way associated with Tim Kring, NBC, or in anyway directly involved with Heroes.”  Would we like to be?  Hell yes.  Sadly, we are not.

However, for the purpose of this blog, I’d like to highlight those members of the Heroes cast that go above and beyond the call of contract and reach out to fans over the internet.

These productions are “home-made”, as in the actors, for the most part, either make or participate in these productions themselves, on their own time.

The following is a Top 5 (5 being good, 1 being amazing) list of content created by Heroes’ actors:

5.  “Rapper’s Delight” - Greg Grunberg (from celebrity group Band From TV)

This video is amazing.  It’s not just amazing because of the special guest vocals from Jorge Garcia, the rockin’ bass from Adrian Pasdar, or even the awesome blues piano skills from Hugh Laurie during “Shake Ya Tail Feathers”.  What makes this performance truly phenomenal is the same thing that makes an Oreo cookie absolutely delicious:

The delicious, white, creamy middle.

In the middle of this final closing song to what seems to be a fantastic concert full of special guests, delicious, creamy-white Greg Grunberg (Matt Parkman on Heroes) recites a series of lines from “Rapper’s Delight” WHILE playing the drums.  The only thing even close to “average” about this band is the main vocalist (who’s main credit includes The Bachelor), and this performance was NOT a letdown.  Check this out.

4.  “Star Wars/Comic-Con” - Milo Ventimiglia

So, there are a variety of things that make this video hilarious.  Unfortunately, one of the main ones is Russ, Milo’s friend who does not actually count as a “Heroes” cast member.  Therefore, this seemingly top-tier video has to be dropped to fourth place due to its heavy use of outside sources.

Despite it being fourth place, seeing Peter Petrelli as a Jedi solves a lot of Heroes questions. 
Also, why didn’t Russ play Doyle?

3.  “Mail bag!” - Brea Grant

It’s no suprise that Brea would crop up on the list after I so highly talked of her website in both my recent interview with her and the latest podcast episode.  Brea really epitomizes geek chic.  Chic as in the style, not internet slang for “girl” or the Canine Health Information Center.

She uses her website and blog to interact with fans in such a natural way.  One of the best ways she’s found to do this lately is through her “mail bag!” segment.  Sure its easy enough to answer e-mails on a blog, but Brea takes it a step further by reading them on screen!  She then loads them up on YouTube so that you know that it, in fact, is her.

2.  “Dr. Oh No” - Adrian Pasdar

Clever James Bond reference be damned, Adrian Pasdar can make some videos!  His channel on Youtube (perhaps even more hilarious) “buckshotwon” showcases videos from the life and times of Adrian Pasdar, usually from the perspective of himself.  The best of these deal with the Heroes set.

This particular video is no exception.  “Dr. Oh No” came out almost two months before the season premiere of Heroes: Villains but provided some shocking insight into the character of Dr. Mohinder Suresh.  I’m not going to lie, its where my original thoughts of “Spiderman Suresh” came from. I didn’t just pull that out of my ass like the Heroes writers did.

The music also adds a slight bit of irony to the mix as at the time of the video’s release, nobody quite understood why the song was used besides the apparent comedy of using such a ridiculous song to show the setting.  Now we know that it actually exists as a reference to Suresh’s mad hormone levels as a side effect of giving himself powers that lead to sexual interactions between himself and Maya which, fittingly, resulted in him “webbing” her. I can only assume that the line “I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it” is referring to Matt Parkman.

What makes Adrian’s videos really rise above the rest is the level of quality the videos present.  While there are some that are short, sweet, and mostly unedited, there are many that have a variety of cuts and edits which provide a sense of drama, as shown in this video.

1.  “Crazy Bunny” - Milo Ventimiglia

I’m not going into the background of why the video exists, you can find that out for yourselves. I’m also not going to explain why its number one, it’s obvious.

‘Nuff said.

Edit:

Honorable Mention
“Grunny TEARS IT UP” from Adrian Pasdar (filming) and Greg Grunberg

Five Powers Arthur Petrelli Doesn’t Have, But Should.

As of yet, we don’t have any real credence as to what Arthur’s power is, and because I don’t have any real idea to what it is either, I devised an excellent way to better hypothesize what his power may be.  After growing my hair out and donning a robe, I became the “Noah” of animal cage fighting.  Gathering five of each animal, I brought together sloths, pot bellied pigs, penguins, bunny rabbits, and minature horses.

With ducktape and a sharpie, I slapped theories on to every animal.  Using my bathtub as a ring, I put one of each animal in to the tub and waited for the victor to stand, well,  to stand victorious.  I repeated the process four more times.  Miraculously, a different species won each round, go figure.

Match 1 Winner: Miniature Horse-Never Defecate Theory

To prove the age old adage wrong, size doesn’t matter with this horse.  After whinnying his opponents to death, he kicked the hot water knob on, and subsequently drowned his opponents.  You may try to argue that the penguin should be able to swim, well, after the first match, lets just say I paid more care as to where I slapped the strip of ducktape on each animal.

As to the theory, well, Arthur would save a lot of money on toliet paper.  Plus, he would never have to worry about eating too many pork & beans before a three hour wedding.

Match 2 Winner: Penguin-Perfectly Fold Clothes Theory

Penguin went into the match with ferocity only the above picture can portray.  Yeah.  Needless to say, penguin managed to brutally eat all his opponents’ livers, letting them bleed to death slowly.

The power on the other hand would allow Arthur to live in domesticated bliss with the woman of his life, Angela.  Let’s be honest, we all know Angela kicked Arthur out of the house for being a slob, if only he could have folded his dress shirts, tear.

Match 3 Winner: Sloth-Flawlessly Floss Theory

Sloth used her brute strength and ripped the tiny legs off Minature Horse.  She quickly followed the delegging death of minature horse with the clubbing deaths of the remaining competitors.  It was a gruesome cycle, the way she attacked the furry critters, swinging her unnaturally long arms extended in length by minature horse legs.  After not watching the sickening process for what seems like minutes, I felt it was safe enough to open my eyes.  My eyes looked out and saw that Sloth had eaten everyone.   She was now flossing her teeth with dental floss, which was oddly symbolic of what was written on the ducktape.

If Arthur had the power to flawlessly floss, he wouldn’t have to worry about going to that job interview with greens stuck in his teeth.  He could also go on that date with that chick and not feel utterly useless in life when he gets dumped because he has steak all up in his teeth and tried to kiss her then he gots sprayed in the face with bear mace then he went to the hospital crying and lost his self respect.  Wow, I think that sentence could use a few commas, but it was important to get off my chest.

Match 4 Winner: Bunny Rabbit-Power to Waive ATM Fees

Bunny rabbit wriggled his cute ears.  The other critters exploded at the awesome display of sheer cuteness Bitches.

Now, the ability to waive atm fees, not a cute power to have, but essential none the less.  Postulate with me for a second, ok?  If Arthur has to buy twenty billion dollars worth of Pez despensers, he’ll have to go to the atm and withdraw all that cash, because I’m told that’s how it works.  Now, if he only has twenty billion dollars in his account, and he withdraws exactly twenty billion, he will still be charged a few dollars for atm fees.  Thus, his account is now overdrafted, and bunny rabbit will have to kill someone.

Match 5 Winner: Gary Coleman-Live Forever…………Stuck in Prepubescence Theory

In an unexpected, and very unfortunate series of events, Gary Coleman entered the bathroom after a night of many refusals and putdowns at the bar, and, urm, he grabbed Minature horse by the legs and<<<<<<<CENSORED>>>>>>>.

You might think being stuck in prepuberty would be a bad thing, but think of all the lollipops you would get at the drive-thru bank teller, or all the discounts for being young and stuff.  Arthur would be able to go to Chuck-E-Cheese and not have to worry about getting stuck in all those plastic tubes.  Great times.

Soc’s Jock #1: Effective Immediately

Editor’s Note: The following blog may appear to have nothing to do with Heroes on the surface, but deep down I’m sure its full of all sorts of deep, hidden messages regarding the show we hate and love…….or not. Enjoy regardless

Hello all, and welcome to the first installment of THE blog. To start things off, I ask you to ask yourself a series of questions: Do the other blogs on our site leave you yearning for more? Have the other blogs left you physically sick to your stomach, however funny they may be? And lastly, have the other blogs left you ask the question, “What am I even doing here?” If you answered yes, no or maybe to any of the previous questions, you’ve cu….come to the right place.

You are probably wondering, “What the hell is he gonna blog about? Kantian ethics? Existentialism? Nietzsche’s Uber-mensch? Some kind of convoluted psycho-babble bullshit?” Well, not exactly. You will surely be glad to hear that my blog concerns none of the above. Sure, one can learn loads from the aforementioned subjects but are they really relevant to the most pressing issues we as young people encounter in our daily lives? No. But I will tell you what is important. Hell, this might be the might most important issue any red-blooded American faces day-to-day. The United States Men’s National Soccer Team. Ever since our quarterfinal finish (even though we got screwed) at the 2002 FIFA World Cup, expectations have been sky high. However, the USMT has done nothing but underachieve and disappoint. For as long as I live, I will never forget how I felt on June 12^th 2006 when Jan Koller powered home a stinging header from 6 yards. I hung my head. Not in shame, but in sadness. Right then I knew we were nowhere near as good as our 5^th place FIFA ranking might have suggested. Something had to change. And it did. Bruce Arena, the former USMT coach of 8 years, was essentially let go, however the position was not immediately filled. Months went by and still no coach. Finally, fans across the country thought they saw the light at the end of the tunnel in the shape of Jurgen Klinsmann, the charismatic, energetic German footballer who had just led the German National Team to a surprise 3^rd place finish. But Sunil Gulati, the President of the United States Soccer Federation, put that fire out in the blink of an eye. I will spare you that tirade for another day. Gulati in turn, named Bob Bradley, noted former Chivas USA and Princeton University (yes, that is a slight), interim coach and eventually granted him the title of permanent USMT coach. This is where I will begin dissecting possibly the biggest mistake in United States Soccer Federation History.

Four Reasons Bob Bradley Should Resign/Be Fired From His Post as USMT Coach

1. Failure to Win the “Big Game” – Sure, Bob Bradley has coached, if you wish to call it that, some decent games. We tied Argentina here in the states and we beat Mexico every time we play them north of the border. But seriously think: When was the last time we garnered a legit “big name” victory against a top opponent. Believe me, I’ve looked and I cannot find one. The most note worthy victory I found outside of the Mexico rivalry was a 3-0 win against a second rate Polish side in a stadium in Krakow that has seen almost as much corruption as Capitol Hill. I mean seriously, we have nothing. We lost 2-4 to a pretty strong Brazil team in 2007, but I don’t care how good Brazil is, a loss is a loss, at home nonetheless. And yeah, we only lost one nil to eventual European Champions Spain in Madrid, but did you watch the game? We played more defensive football than Rangers did in last year’s UEFA Cup, which is extraordinary. Until Bob Bradley can tally a W against a legit top ten or 15 squad, can we really consider ourselves a top team? Absolutely not. Something has got to give.

2. Failure to Call Up Potential Big Stars – Players and their respective call ups follow:

Freddy Adu – 8, Jozy Altidore – 3, Danny Szetela – 2, Kenny Cooper – 2, Sal Zizzo – 1 and Neven Subotic – 0.

These names I just mentioned are the future of American Soccer. Period. Without them, we will be left with players such as Eddie Johnson, Ricardo Clark and Brian Ching leading the charge. Granted, if these last three I mentioned hit some kind of rich vein of form, by all means, play them. However, if they haven’t done it in their combined 82 national team appearances, I don’t see it coming anytime soon. Freddy Adu is the best American prospect EVER and the SECOND best current player only behind Landon Donovan. Why Bob Bradley refuses to give him looks when he has starred at every level of National Team affiliated competition he has partaken in floors me. Jozy Altidore is playing in Spain for Villareal, likely the second best league IN THE WORLD. Kenny Cooper is the second leading scorer in the American domestic league, MLS, with only Landon Donovan topping him. These three deserve call up after call up above anyone else, especially when the biggest problem the USMT has is scoring goals. Come on Bob, get it together. And another thing, if Neven Subotic gets capped for another national team (namely Germany), Bob Bradley should be fired on the spot. Subotic is likely the best defender this country can stake claim to. Yeah, you heard me, the best. He starts, scores and excels for Borussia Dortmund in the German Bundesliga. Sure, the Bundesliga is no England, Italy or Spain, but hell, its better than France (Carlos Bocanegra [61 caps]) or the lowly Belgian League (Oguchi Oneywu [37]). And guess how many defenders we have playing in the top flights in England, Italy or Spain. Yep, none. Something has got to give.

3. Failure to Impress in Less-Than-Impressive Situations – Here are the scores to our last five competitive fixtures:

· 8-0 Win, Home against Barbados

· 1-0 Win, Away against Barbados

· 1-0 Win, Away against Guatemala

· 1-0 Win, Away against Cuba

· 3-0 Win, Home against Trinidad and Tobago

Now most of you are probably looking at that 8-0 win against Barbados and saying, “Wow. Eight nothing. That’s pretty impressive. I don’t what this guy is talking about.” Let me say this. No offense to Rihanna or any other Barbadian, but the Barbados National team is garbage. Trash. I feel farely confident my Sunday league team, Norwood United 1 could hold up against these part-timers. The fact that we could only muster a 1-0 victory, thanks to Eddie Lewis’ 34 year old legs, is frankly embarrassing. The Cuba and Guatemala scores are no better. Sure, these teams are supposed to be our regional rivals, but 1-0 victories are unacceptable. We should be plastering these teams 3, 4 and 5 nil. The only positive I can take from these matches is the fact that we have yet to concede a goal. However, this is a double-edged sword because I fear our defense will grow over confident and get humbled by the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo and Fernando Torres come South Africa 2010. Bob, get it together or take a walk. Something has got to give.

4. Failure to Match Goals Set Forth in the Q-Report (Project 2010) – I know this whole Project 2010 things sounds really covert and Bond-esque but its really not. Carlos Quieroz, the well respected manager of the Portuguese National Team, wrote a document in 1998 immediately following the USMT’s LAST PLACE finish at the 1998 World Cup. In this report were a number of issues including a youth academy in Florida to harvest young talent and a ton of multi-million dollar initiatives for furthering the soccer development in this country. But the most important issue spoken of in the Q-Report was the goal to be a genuine contender to win the 2010 World Cup. At the pace we are at, not a chance. We can only muster one nil victories against regional minnows and we can’t even begin to play with the big boys across the pond. If the United States Soccer Federation is content with qualifying with ease and then bowing out at the group stage, then that is fine. But then again, why would they pour 50 million dollars into Project 2010. With Bob Bradley’s tactics (win a free kick or corner and pray to the heavens we can score on that) we do not stand a chance. We need a coach with some international clout. We need a Klinsmann or a Scolari or a Quieroz. Not a Bradley, who made his bones on the college and MLS circuits. To play competitively at the international level, we need an international coach. NOT an MLS coach. Without an international caliber coach, with a legit pedigree, its looks as if the Q-Report was made in vain. Something has got to give.

So Bob, if you are listening, please, for the good of the country, step down as the head coach of the USMT. You are a good guy, and a good domestic coach. But lets not kid ourselves, you simply are not an international caliber coach. For the betterment of our team, let it go. Don’t think you are not appreciated because you are. But all good things (and okay things) must come to an end. We thank you for your service but the time has come. I just hope that should you remain coach, which it looks like is an ever-increasing possibility, bring home the cup. I hope you prove me wrong.

*”Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.” —Roy Keane, former Manchester United midfielder and current Sunderland AFC Manager

P.S

To all who may say that I blogged about an issue that was stupid or irrelevant or unimportant, here is what I say. Even though I hate his guts, he has a point and I respect the hell out of him for it: “Some people think football (soccer) is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it’s much more serious than that.” —Bill Shankly, former Liverpool FC manager, now deceased

Engee’s Xanadu #1: Touched by a Peter

Good evening everyone, and welcome to Engee’s Xanadu, a “Heroes” Pleasure Palace of Powerful Proportions, the Den of Sin, the Sultry Suite to Sexy Super-humans, a place where I can indulge in my twin passions of writing highbrow literature and writing lowbrow slash/fic. Okay, seriously, I don’t enjoy slash/fic (quit looking at me like that) except for the pure comedy of it. It might be the only form of fiction that consistently makes me laugh. And thus, I wish to impart my love (wink wink) to all of you. Enjoy… and please, don’t judge me.

***Author’s Note: I wrote this in the form of a script for three reasons: firstly, I think it’s funnier and gets to the point; secondly, it’s super-easy; and thirdly, I have this hope that somehow one of these will wind up in the hands of Tim Kring, and he will include it in the show. Even if I don’t get credit, I’ll know. And that’s all that matters.***

Setting: The Future

(Present Peter and Future Peter have arrived in a dingy alley way in FP’s time. Future Peter is about to lead Present Peter to the street, to show him the future that has been wrought by Present Peter and his companions. However, Present Peter stops him before they leave the alley)

Present Peter (sheepishly): Hey, Feter – get it, Future plus Peter… anyway, hold on a second. Can I ask you something?

Future Peter (in that stupid voice that he pulls sometimes, you know the one): What?! I’m trying to show you the future – it will blow your mind and potentially save the past, present, and future. At least I think that’s the point… who the fuck knows? Also, you call me Feter again and I’ll put you in Fat Parkman’s body.

PP: Well, I was wondering…

FP: Spit it out!

PP: Well, I’ve always wondered – I mean, it’s kind of been a fantasy of mine – I wanna –

FP: Do me. (Surprise on PP’s face) Remember, dude, I am you.

PP: Well, I mean, since you know, I would like to touch… myself?

FP: Yeah, I know, but seriously, I’m pretty sure even thinking about that is wrong. Not just on the health and sexual levels, but – I mean, I’m pretty sure it would cause a paradox in time.

PP: You’re already causing a paradox (real sexy like)… in my pants.

FP: Dude, that’s the gayest thing I’ve ever heard.

PP: But, I love you – me – us – whatever.

FP: Second gayest. The point is, I don’t think it’s a good idea.

PP: Look, man, I haven’t been with anyone since Caitlin.

FP: Simone, you mean. Caitlin doesn’t count… (we didn’t even touch nipple)… And don’t talk to me about “haven’t been with anyone in a while”… Simone was it for me, too.

PP: Then you know better than I do… also, that’s just sad.

FP: I’m busy being a super-terrorist, asshole. And, I mean, you’re Peter… your peter… and I’m Peter.

PP: So that’s it… we’re done?

FP: Absolutely… (sighing sweetly) not.

PP: Wait, before we… you know… I’ve got a question. How did I – do I – get that scar?

FP: You’re about to find out.

They love.

(Cue music, probably “I Touch Myself” by The Divinyls, but that may be a little obvious, we will probably just go with some Shenkar “YAAAAA-dums”. I decided to leave out the most explicit part of this work, as is my right as an artiste. However, if you would like to read this exclusive piece, feel free to e-mail me at drummondct123@gmail.com. Resume.)

PP: That was…

FP: Not nearly as good as you thought it would be.

PP: Yeah, I feel like I could have done that by myself in my bathroom at home.

FP [bummed(wink wink, again)]: Well, shit, I told you it had been awhile.

PP: No, that’s not it… its just… I’m not nearly as hot as I thought I was.

FP: No, I’d say you were pretty hot.

PP: Thanks, but –

FP: No, like, seriously, hot – radioactive hot. You still haven’t gotten control of your powers?!

PP (worried): Not completely, I guess. Oh God, am I gonna explode?!

FP: Wouldn’t be the first time today.

FIN

Thanks again for visiting Engee’s Xanadu. Be sure to join me next week, for perhaps another installment? That’s if I don’t get kicked off the podcast for this. Please comment – I know you will only have great things to say, but if not, I’ll probably just figure you are kidding. I’m not so good with criticism. Deuces.

Woo’s Blog #2: What do cool future painters have in their Discman? Glad you asked…

As my favorite character on the show doesn’t technically have a name yet, let’s refer to Fat Parkman’s favorite future painter as “Rafiki”.

As we have all seen, Rafiki has a balln’ Discman that he constantly jams to. When “Park Man” is suffering from ED, or “extrasensory disorder”, Rafiki offers his Discman as an aphrodisiac to help “Park Man” thrust himself into the future. So what could possibly be playing in that Discman? After much thought and investigation, I have ruled out the millions of possible songs that it could be, and have chosen five songs as my top ten choices. Don’t do the math on that one.

Honorable Mention #1) Africa by Toto

This song was a given. I mean, they are in Africa, and I’m sure Rafiki is a continentalist. I am. Go North America! Suck on my pee pee Australia!

I shouldn’t forget to mention that Africa has some of the tightest lyrics earth has ever seen, or heard. Here’s a snippet:

Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti / I seek to cure what’s deep inside, frightened of this thing that I’ve become

Deep. Real deep.

Honorable Mention #2) Chacarron Macarron by El Chombo

If you’re fluent in Spanish (I am not, however, Wikipedia is), you’ll know that chacarron macarron roughly translates into “party powder”. Need I say more?

Where I sang the good praises for Africa’s splendid lyrics, I praise Chacarron for its lack of lyrics. Primal gurgling always gets me in the mood, so I’m sure it helped “Park Man”.

Honorable Mention #3) Ebony & Ivory by Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder

If you spend your entire life painting pictures of some fat, white guy’s life, you have to be a very accepting person. Nuff said.

Honorable Mention #4) My Humps as performed by Alanis Morissette

I think Rafiki is probably a humps kind of guy. (Damn, my commentating gets shorter and shorter as this post goes on…..I should end it now)

Rafiki’s Song is……………

Winner) In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida by Iron Butterfly

Why? Because I’m willing to bet these guys took plenty of stuff to see things in their heads, much like our friends Rafiki and “Park Man”.

Demi’s Blog #3: How To Stop An Exploding Show

I have to be completely honest with you all. While presenting some fairly decent moments, overall this week’s episode “One of us, One of them” was not overly impressive. It has come to my attention that there’s a crisis in the Heroes Universe right now. The problem is a lack of intelligent storytelling. Is there a way to correct this tangled mess known as Heroes? I’m not sure, but here’s five things that must be done in “Villains” in order for me to watch Volume Four…

1. Kill off a main character.

I can’t stress enough the importance of establishing an environment on a television show where you feel as if your main characters are vulnerable. It’s bad enough that there are four characters that can potentially live forever (Peter, Sylar, Claire, and Adam), but there’s also an element of which blood produced by these powers can bring people back.

The following is a list of characters that have “died” in some way and have come back to the show in some form.

• Claire (who knows how many times)
• Peter (glass in the brain)
• Nathan (TWICE)
• Linderman (Came back as ghost?)
• Niki Sanders (Okay..so she died…but apparently there are multiple “clones” oh yay!)
• Maya (Seriously? Tease us by killing her and then bring her back to life?)
• HRG/Noah Bennett (Shot straight through the eye/brain and is brought back to life).

Seriously. Grow some balls and kill of a main character. Don’t bring them back. In both season one and two’s finale, Nathan “died”. Didn’t last for long because in both the season two and three premieres, he was brought back to life.

I’m starting to feel like there are no consequences in the show and that the actors hired are more important than the characters on the show. I’m hoping it’s because of network contracts involving the actors (they get paid whether they appear on the show or not) and there’s tremendous pressure for NBC to get their money’s worth, but that’s no excuse.

Kill off somebody significant and do it quick. Better yet, kill Claire. She’s the most “invulnerable”, so have her die to cause panic in the world of Heroes. There’s too large a cast to get anything personal going on with the show. Fix it.

2. Limit the powers of Peter and Sylar.
They’ve literally created monsters. There needs to be limits. The only thing right now that will satisfy Heroes fans is for those two to battle it out. But since they can now both heal themselves, such a battle is nearly pointless. Not to mention any other “evolved human” is pretty much negated when there are two characters out there that can take their powers. Peter doesn’t even have to massage your brain to do it.

Of course, the Haitian is immune if he wants to be, since they can’t use their “power-taking powers” against him if he’s conscious. He seems to be the only limit, and its an extreme one. Peter “exploding” due to having too many abilities at the end of Season One was clever, but where is that limitation now?

3. Enough with the paintings. If you are going to use the future in your storyline, stay there. We’ve seen the storyline of Season 3 played out before. Don’t remember? Go back and watch the first two seasons.

Season One: Psychic Artist paints the future, depicting horrifying events yet to happen (The bomb, the cheerleader). Characters run around trying to figure out either how to avoid said future or how to make it happen (Trying to save Claire, making sure Nathan becomes president). A visit to the future reveals how everything happens (seeing the aftermath of the bomb and what the bomb was). People in the “present” must rally in the last second to stop it from happening (everybody joins forces to “stop” Sylar and Nathan flies Peter into the sky).

Season Two: More paintings found from dead psychic artist depicting even more events that have yet to happen (Set of 8, HRG dying, etc). Characters run around trying to figure out either how to avoid said future or how to make it happen (HRG grows paranoid, Peter paints future to find Canada). A visit to the future reveals how everything happens (Peter goes to the future and finds that a virus wipes out most of the population). People in the “present” must rally in the last second to stop it from happening (Eventually the virus is stopped).

Season 3: A new psychic painter is revealed (This one apparently is more based around Matt Parkman’s life). Characters run around trying to figure out how to avoid said future (Parkman wants to change his future, Hiro needs to get the formula). A visit to the future reveals how everything happens (Ando “betrays” Hiro and the Earth explodes).

If you have to involve the future, then why not just stay there?

Don’t do some stupid “going back to the past” or “visiting the future for a couple minutes brb” vacation spot, delve into the future for a couple of episodes. Show the viewers how dire the problems are and why they MUST be stopped. Every episode that has featured a world in the future has been phenomenally more interesting that the present. Why? Because people aren’t afraid to let things go to hell in the future.

4. Drop the “choose your side” promotional BS. Make the villains evil, and the heroes good.

As engaging as it sounds, viewers don’t need to be continually exposed to a “who’s really good and who’s really bad” complex. When you have no clear lines between who is good or bad, we have nobody to root for. Some people need to be good. Some people have to be bad. Quit trying to tease us with crappy storylines that sound good in thirty second promos because the excitement only lasts that long. Volume Three is called “Villains” but the show is called “Heroes”. Neither of which says to me, “Gray Area”. This season should be about Heroes vs. Villains, not about good turning evil or vise versa. Get a team on both sides together and let the powers fly.

5. Despite the failure of Season Two, don’t give up on developing a story.

“Heroes” is meant to be an Action-Drama. It’s only an Action-Drama when it includes both action and drama. Season One had a perfect balance. Season Two was nothing but slow moving “drama”. Now, it looks as though “Villains” will be nothing but action. Instead of taking the time to tell a good story, Kring and his writers have taken the unfortunate route of throwing everything in your face at once and ignoring simple acts of story-telling. Looking back at the second season compared to the story presented in the first three epiosdes of “Villains”, I’m starting to miss the stories dealing with the founders of The Company.

Can I have some substance with my special effects please? You can put lipstick on a pig, but its still a pig. Oh wait, didn’t Obama get in trouble for that one? Oh well, you get my point.

Slow things down, get in a good pace. The premiere was a clusterbomb of tangled storylines that end up needing “fixed” at the start. How about we see some continuation of the storylines from past seasons? What happened to Caitlin of Ireland? How about Peter and Nathan’s dad (I don’t care about Sylar’s father)? Some more origin stories would be nice.

Tim Kring said this regarding Season Two: “”We assumed the audience wanted season 1 — a buildup of intrigue about these characters and the discovery of their powers. We taught [them] to expect a certain kind of storytelling. They wanted adrenaline. We made a mistake.”

Hmm…that explains it. We want Mission Impossible 3 instead of Star Wars.

WRONG.

Demi Blog #2: Cancellation Proclamation

The Heroes fanbase is a torn community.

Some of the fans are so frighteningly dedicated to the series that they will blindly defend it by throwing out all logic. Other fans are too critical of the series citing that it “copies this” or “its just another X-Men clone” without taking it for what it is…an entertaining television show. And then there’s the middle of the spectrum. The fans that watch and enjoy the show and indulge in speculation and theories, but also keep a watchful eye on the quality of the programming they are watching. This is the category where The Company and many of our listeners fall into. I think it goes without saying that I’m a little worried about the quality of Heroes and its future. The ratings are not as good as they were last year and, although it is starting to pickup, the second season is just not as good as the premiere season (even with the anti-climactic season finale last year).

So what if the worst happens…down the road Heroes is canceled…Will it go down in history as one of the greats that was cut before its time, or will it be thrown to the wayside as a “X-Men wannabe” television Sci-Fi fad? Will it be able to join the ranks of other television shows that have exceeded the 100-episode threshold, or just fade into the bowels of network television history? Let’s take a look at some of the major ill-conceived cancellations in recent years:
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N.G. Blog #2: Casting Call

Let it be known that this blog was not the one promised by N.G. during the podcast.  If you have issues with that, please comment on this blog and flame him for his lack of podcasting etiquette.  Thanks -Demi

Casting Call

Hi all, N.G. here, and this is my second blog: Casting Call. I realized the other day that when Heroes premiered, they had no real star to get them recognized. Don’t misunderstand me, I believe all (well, almost all) of the actors on Heroes are great, but none had any real star power pre-show. NBC basically relied on the white coach’s daughter from Remember the Titans, John Shaft in a bit role, and Greg Grunberg who was in a movie with the greatest actor of all time, Sir Kevin Bacon (the Sir was added by myself to show respect). So basically what we have in today’s blog is my fantasy Heroes cast. Because people care what I think, right?

Playing D.L. Hawkins… CHRIS TUCKER: This was the first choice I made in casting, and possibly the easiest. He would have brought a nice, light tone to such a dark character. Also, aside from phasing through objects, two sweet added powers would be high-pitched banshee wailing, and the ability to get confused for Chris Rock. Imagine D.L. screaming at Micah, “Micah, my man, Micah, Micah, AHHHH!, Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?”. Priceless.

Playing Claire Bennett… BRITNEY SPEARS: She needs the money, stability, and attention a lot more than Hayden, and lets be honest: did you see Crossroads? Better than Schindler’s List. Mariah Carey was a close second for this one.

Playing Nathan Petrelli… ONE OF THE CAVEMEN: Yeah, from the Geico commercials and that new show on FOX. Duh.

Playing Micah Saunders… HALEY JOEL OSMENT or DAKOTA FANNING: Yes, I’m aware that Osment is, like, 40, and Fanning is a girl, but they are probably the greatest child actors ever, and, I mean, there actors, they could act like a young boy. And, they have acted alongside a plethora of great actors like Tom Cruise, Robert Duvall, Michael Caine, and others, which would make them perfect alongside…

Playing Gabriel “Sylar” Gray… GARY BUSEY: Who is your go-to guy when you need someone crazier than a shithouse rat? Who was in Black Sheep, Lethal Weapon, and Point Break? Who, if given the chance, might actually bust someone’s head open and look at their brains? That’s right: Busey. Just look at that crazy twinkle in his eye… a lot scary than Zachery “Mr. Spock” Quinto.

And finally,

Playing Peter Petrelli… Carson Daly: You guys know the whole situation in Darfur? Yeah, well take the inverse of that and multiply it by how awesome it would be to see Keira Knightley naked and then take that to the nth power and you still only have half the awesomeness that is Carson Daly.

Nuff said,

N.G.

Woo Blog #1: Allegory of the Washer/Dryer Combo

Welcome to Woo’s Smorgasblog, The Pot Luck of Blogs. Every week, my anti-genius will be regurgitating the weeks’ meals in an alphanumeric format so you can enjoy what I enjoyed. Yay for you, right? Yeah, yay for you.

This week I engineered a new allegory type thing. I call it the…………..

Allegory of the Washer/Dryer Combo

The liquid detergent flows from the bottle to the washer in a fluid motion. It mixes with water and the detergent fairies grow, so I throw my boxers and socks in there to get it magically scrubbed. When the detergent fairies use their fairy dust on my threads, it get clean and what not. I then throw my clothes into the dryer, so the dryer demons can use their hate and anger to torch my clothes. However, they run out of hate, so they don’t get to destroy my clothes-instead they just leave it nice and warm for me. This really burns them up on the inside, so they eat one of my socks to get back at me. Losing a sock doesn’t really bother me that much, but it tears up the sock’s partner who is forever doomed to the bottom of the sock/underwear drawer. That sock will never again get to travel the country again, see the sights and such. It will be left in the dark forever.

So you see, I’m the sock in the dark. The other sock isn’t important. The country is Heroes. I will never get so see Heroes, but it doesn’t really bother me that much anyway.

~Woo.

Socrates Blog #1: Allegory of the Cave

Hello everyone. This is Socrates here and this is my first official blog. I am going to try to make this short and sweet, partly because I already touched on this subject in last weeks podcast and partly because I do not want to take up your whole lunch break. So let’s get to it!

The Allegory of the Cave

Okay, so first things first, one would need sufficient background on the allegory of the cave in order to fully understand how it relates to the Heroes plotline. So here is a general excerpt from Wikipedia.org’s page on the story:

Imagine several prisoners who have been chained up in a cave for all of their lives. They have never been outside the cave. They face a wall in the cave and they can never look at the entrance of the cave. Sometimes animals, birds, people, or other objects pass by the entrance of the cave casting a shadow on the wall inside the cave. The prisoners see the shadows on the wall and mistakenly view the shadows as reality.

However, one man is released from his chains and runs out of the cave. For the first time, he sees the real world and now knows that it is far beyond the shadows he had been seeing. He sees real birds and animals, not just shadows of birds and animals. This man is excited about what he sees and he goes back to his fellow prisoners in the cave to tell them about the real world. But to his astonishment, they don’t believe him. In fact, they are angry with him. They say the shadows are reality and that the escaped prisoner is crazy for saying otherwise. According to Plato, the world outside the cave represents the world of forms while the shadows on the wall represent objects in the physical world. The escape of the prisoner represents philosophical enlightenment and the realization that forms are the true reality. Most people are like the prisoners in the cave. They think the shadows are reality. Philosophers, though, are like the man who escapes the cave and sees the real world. They have true knowledge.

The most obvious example of the allegory of the cave shown in Heroes would definitely be the storyline involving Peter Petrelli. Peter has essentially lost his identity and has no real idea of the person he used to be. In this sense, Peter is like the prisoners chained in the cave. He only knows of what he can see. He only knows his self in its current state. The real question at hand that Peter has to confront and resolve is whether or not to open the box that supposedly holds his true identity. Peter now has a tough decision to make: be content with his current self and act as the prisoner or open the box, rediscover his true identity and break free from the chains to see reality in forms and not shadows. Everyone is entitled to choose what they feel most comfortable with. I know what I would choose; what would you?

Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.
~Aesop

Demi Blog #1: Missing Powers

Hey everybody…

I just got finished posting a huge blog on like six different powers that weren’t present in the Heroes universe yet, but it didn’t process with the server and I lost it! I’m very upset right now, but I’ll go ahead and give you a summary of the powers I picked.

1. Super Speed

Possibly the most important power not yet shown on Heroes, Super Speed has encompassed comic books from Superman to The Flash. Will we see it soon? N.G. and I have agreed that we think one of the original Company members possess this power, although he seems to think its Peter and Nathan Petrelli’s father….which I’m not so sure of. I am sure that this power will be in included in this series. I’d bet my life savings on it…One, because my life savings is literally equal to zero, and two, because its so essential to a comic book setting.

2. Superhuman Senses (non-hearing)

We’ve seen Flight, Superhuman Strength, and Enhanced Hearing….what about the other classics? Where’s the X-Ray vision? Where’s the seeing three miles away? Also, and I know this is a stretch, what about superhuman smelling? I mean, Wolverine and Sabretooth had it…which leads me to another power…

3. Animal Mimicry

I know, I know…its a bit far-fetched…but animals are an integral part of the superhero universe. Many characters in comics have emulated the abilities or likenesses of animal i.e. Black Cat, Spiderman, Wolverine, Sabretooth, Toad, Batman, Catwoman, Penguin, etc.

4. Magnetism/Force Fields

We’ve already seen powers that have dealt with metal…Sylar can change the molecular structure of things (including metal) to cause them to melt without reaching melting point, Bob can use alchemy to change the chemical compound of things (including metal into gold)…but what about magnetism. We know how awesome Magneto is, and how helpful could it be to use an electro-magnetic force-field to protect you or your group from danger? I think we may seem some type of this sooner or later…perhaps in a new character with electric abilities *hint*. But speaking of metal what about..

5. Mechanical Prowess

I know its not really a power, but come on…its as big in comics as anything else. The ability or skills to make your own powered gear to fit your needs i.e. Batman. I know that NBC is pushing Bionic Woman down our throats but for the love of all that is holy please just drop it and put an Ironman type character in Heroes…Then you can put some of that advertising money into Heroes and Journeyman and replace Bionic Woman with some crappy mid-season show like..oh I don’t know…American Gladiator Redux (which is actually coming to NBC soon).

There you have it…I had more but I’m done writing. I leave the rest open to you guys. If you have a power that hasn’t been seen on Heroes that you think is worthy enough to be brought on the show, let us know! Leave us a voice-mail at 205-383-4781 or for you international folks (or people that just feel like doing it) send us an audio message as an attachment to thecompanypodcast@gmail.com.

Also e-mail us anytime at that e-mail address with your opinions, comments, or questions and, if they aren’t stupid, we’ll put them on the show!

-Demi